1. |
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The Social Distancing Waltz
I saw you while shopping, my heart skipped a beat,
In Aisle 43 - Ready Meals, Processed Meats
I want to be with you so my life is complete
But I felt I was crossing a line
I stepped up to you with sweet love in my eyes
You stepped back in fear with a look of surprise
You tripped and fell in to the steak and ale pies
And I knew that you’d never be mine
I’m dancing around you, I can’t get too near
The 2-metre rule seemed a little unclear
As we pass, hold your breath and lean backwards my dear
For the Social Distancing Waltz
I saw you whilst walking the pavements in town,
You gave me a smile, but I could only frown
I went to pass by and my ankle turned down,
And I ended up in the bus lane
You stepped to the left, and I stepped to the right
We danced round and round an old rusty street light
Then I pulled up my mask and fled into the night
But I heard your voice sing the refrain
I’m dancing around you, I can’t get too near
The 1-metre-plus rule’s not helping, I fear
As we pass, hold your breath and lean backwards my dear
For the Social Distancing Waltz
And it’s 1,2,3 how many metres apart, are we safe while we follow the call of our hearts?
And it’s 3,2,1 waltz by the light of the moon, hold me reasonably close as we dance to the tune…
But if we were younger and had not a care,
We’d barge through the crowds just like no-one was there
We’d look up at times from our phones for a glare
But we’d end up by falling in love
I’m dancing around you, I can’t get too near
But at least now we all can go out for a beer
As we pass, hold your breath and lean backwards my dear
For the Social Distancing Waltz
As we pass, hold your breath and lean backwards my dear
For the Social Distancing Waltz
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2. |
Outdoors
04:16
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Outdoors
I spoke to you in April, our hearts were so entwined
We laughed and joked for hours, a meeting of two minds
But now there’s something missing, I’m feeling kinda numb
When you ask me how I’m doing I say UM…
Nothing that exciting, not much to report
I’d like to get a hobby, but I’m really not that sort
The summer’s truly over, and it never rains but pours
and it’s been six weeks since I set foot outdoors
I’ve watched all of the movies on my pay-per-view TV
I’ve seen a million videos of cats stuck up in trees
I’ve learned how to make sourdough, but the taste it leaves is strange
And I’d like to see a human for a change
Nothing that exciting, not much to report
I’d go and join the bowls club but I’m not that into sport
The autumn leaves are falling and the east wind howls and roars
And it’s been 6 weeks since I set foot outdoors
I can’t find inspiration while I’m stuck here in my room
My eyes are getting tired and I’m really sick of online meetings
Waiting for an answer to a question I don’t know
And I don’t think things are working out with Joe
Nothing that exciting, not much to report
I’d like to volunteer, but I don’t know if I ought because
the winter cold is coming, with its icy frozen claws
And it’s been 6 weeks since I set foot outdoors
Nothing that exciting, I can’t think what to say
Waiting for the Springtime, and who knows, a brighter day
I’d like to shout and scream and go break 50 different laws
But I guess for now that I’ll just stay indoors
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3. |
In June
02:49
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In June
I went to the bank on a Monday,
to see if I could get myself a loan
I feel that I should mention it was for a new extension to my
2 up, 2 down home
I asked the banker please what can you give me?
He looked at me just like I was a loon
He said: “80 percent of nothing very much and if you’re lucky you can have it in June”
Have it in June, have it in June
80 percent of nothing very much
and if you’re lucky you can have it in June
I went to buy a car on the Tuesday,
I tried to trade the old one in
I said “I’d like a grand for an X-reg Fiat Panda
with a tank of fuel thrown in”
They looked me up and down in amusement,
and said I’d have to whistle to the tune
of 80 percent of nothing very much and if you’re lucky you can have it in June
Have it in June, have it in June
80 percent of nothing very much
and if you’re lucky you can have it in June
I went to the shops on a Wednesday,
to get myself some toilet rolls and tea
There wasn’t much in, 'cos times were pretty hard,
I thought I’d have to show the girl my ration card
I said “what can you give me for a brew dear?
Cos I’m really gonna need one soon”
And she said “80 percent of nothing very much and if you’re lucky you can have it in June”
Have it in June, have it in June
80 percent of nothing very much
and if you’re lucky you can have it in June
Have it in June, have it in June
Tell Uncle Sam to fire the big brass band, you’re gonna back a winner,
I’m gonna buy you dinner if you’ll lend me a tenner till June!
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4. |
Waiting for you
03:44
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5. |
Speed me up
02:58
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Speed me up
I wish the internet was faster,
I want to use it all the time
I’m sick of waiting for my broadband
I‘ve got to get some fibre on the line
I wish the internet was faster
It’s really not much fun at all
I want to stream some TV movies
But all I get’s this spinning little ball
Woah…. Speed me up, speed me up
Woah…. Speed me up, speed me up
I wish the internet was faster,
It isn’t really much to ask
My router’s making funny noises
It never quite seems equal to the task
I wish the internet was faster
The all those good things could be mine
I feel like I am still on dial-up
The speed I am receiving is a crime
Woah…. Speed me up, speed me up
Woah…. Speed me up, speed me up
But as I sit here at my keyboard
Although I’m feeling rather cross
At least now I’ve got a viable excuse
Not to have to talk to my boss!
(“no, sorry, you’ve frozen, I can’t hear you, I’m going to have to call you Monday, OK Bye!”)
I wish the internet was faster
It’s not the cost of it I fear
I rang and asked if they could fix it
They said I’d have to wait until at least next year!
Woah…. Speed me up, speed me up
Woah…. Speed me up, speed me up
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6. |
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Dressing from the waist up
I used to go to town every weekend
And wear the finest clothes I could find
But now that I’m stuck here at my computer
I’ve found I've really had to change my mind
‘Cos I’ve started dressing from the waist up
Gonna make my face up, to hide my blues
I’ve started dressing from the waist up
But at least I don’t have to shine my shoes
I think that I might wear a skirt or tutu
Or go naked as the day that I was born
Or wear a pair of soft and fluffy slippers
Decorated on the front with unicorns!
‘Cos I’ve started dressing from the waist up
Gonna make my face up, to hide my blues
I’ve started dressing from the waist up
But at least I don’t have to shine my shoes
And though I wear a frown, ‘cos I can’t go to town
And buy the lovely clothes I used to wear
I’ll find an online shop and buy a brand new top
But I don’t know what to do about my hair!
‘Cos I’ve started dressing from the waist up
Gonna make my face up, to hide my blues
I’ve started dressing from the waist up
But at least I don’t have to shine my shoes
Yes I’ve started dressing from the waist up
Gonna make my face up, to hide my blues
I’ve started dressing from the waist up
But at least I don’t have to shine my, you know I'm feeling fine,
I don't know if I'll bother wearing shoes!
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7. |
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I hope that COVID knows it's Christmas
I thought we couldn’t celebrate this Christmas
It seemed that we would have to be apart
I guessed we’d have to keep our social distance
I knew that it would really break my heart
But now it seems that we can be together
And things aren’t really quite so bad at all
So let’s all celebrate the festive season
And hang the mistletoe up in the hall
But I hope, that COVID knows it’s Christmas
As we laugh and dance and sing our time away
Yes I hope that COVID knows it’s Christmas
And he won’t bother us till New Year’s Day
And now that we’re allowed to have our Christmas
Please hurry back and join me here at home
And board the Santa train, that brings you back again
So I won’t have to sit here all alone
And as you take your seat, in the crowded quiet coach
And you hear your station read out on the call
And the man in 13B, puts a hand upon your knee
And leans in close to whisper “bless us all”
Well I hope, that COVID knows it’s Christmas
As we play our games of twister by the fire
I hope, that COVID knows it’s Christmas
And he won’t let the case rates get much higher
And when we’re having fun, and the dinner is all done
And when we’re sitting singing Christmas tunes
And we think about the meal, and the way it made us feel, and
Wonder if we should have all used different spoons
Well I hope that COVID knows it’s Christmas
And he’ll let us feast and drink and shout with glee
Yes I hope that COVID knows it’s Christmas
And we’ll see him soon in time for Lockdown 3
I hope that COVID knows it’s Christmas
I really hope that COVID knows it’s Christmas
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8. |
The Lockdown Hornpipe
02:02
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Nick Wyke England, UK
I am a professional musician and digital editor with over 20 years music industry experience. I work in mixed media, to record, produce and edit audio and video
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